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Sunday, January 22, 2012

happy sunday; OOTD


gosh - because i look forward to every weekend with my family, the days seem to FLY by. i enjoy the time i have with my husband and daughter, just being lazy at home, shopping the mall - or even watching him play MW3. the minutes in a day could never suffice the void i feel when he's away at work, or even better - out of town, for work. but, as a military spouse, it is my duty to remain strong in all aspects of my role as a wife, mother and a best friend.

today we ate brunch at cracker barrel. he LOVES that place. it was my first time eating there, and i will have to admit, the food is rather tasty! im a french toast, hash brown and BACON - kind a girl. after brunch, we took a trip to Old Navy to buy warmer clothes for Raeden - & then, by golly - look what was next door. ulta. HAH. got a few things from there - & called it a day. because its sunday, we do a FULL cleaning of the house, then he's on the playstation for the night with his brother/sister and friends. i on the other hand, am here giving you a post! :) i am SO in love with this camera, i cant wait to take more pictures and showcase products, OOTD and anything else you'd like to see! anyway, i have a paper that is due tomorrow night for school; so i better get on it. i hope you have a WONDERFUL rest of the day! enjoy the time with your family. tell them you love them over and over again. <3

ALSO. thank you for helping me reach 6000 subscribers last night! i am SO blessed and amazed at all the people i have met/encountered through YouTube. i have amazing friends and you all mean the WORLD to me. i make ONE year on YouTube on the 7th of Feb, so im hoping to do a giveaway for you! still on the lookout of what to do, but keep and eye out. hopefully ill figure out something soon!

OOTD; JAN 22nd, 2012 -
Beret - H&M
Jacket - F21
Shirt/Blouse - my grandmas; super old. but i LOVE it
Skinny Jeans - F21
Shoes - (Not Pictured) but they are black suede flat boots by Michael Kors

i love you all - God bless you, always.
ashley XO

Saturday, January 21, 2012

tea party; for two please.

i often sit here, and think about how life would be, if certain choices weren't made. if things didn't happen the way they did -- if he and i never rekindled; & he never found me again, on myspace.

children. aren't they such a gift from God? you always dream about the day you have kids. whether you want a boy; one who will look out after you - & do the 'manly' things, when daddie isn't around.. or a girl; one who you will be able to share all the finer, girlie girl things with. i had a dream; & that dream came true - the day i found out i was pregnant. i knew in my heart, that there was a blessing inside my belly. at 19 weeks, i found out - it was YOU! God gave me the best present i could ever ask for. it was as if all my dreams and wishes compiled into one - compiled into YOU. now here you are, in my arms - as i am physically able to hold you, kiss you and tell you how much i love you. i am more blessed that God gave ME the role, as your mother. to carry you for 40 weeks, and 1 day - and raise you, as my own little baby girl. you bring such joy to my life - i couldn't imagine life without you. all the experiences we have already witnessed in the (almost) 2 years of your life, have been some of the BEST memories of my life! i will always look back and remember the joy, happiness and laughter you brought to my life. your father and i are so honored to wake up to your smiling face everyday. i love you my little one. beyond what words can ever say; & when you become a mother yourself - will you know, how much I Love You.

friends; when you experience parenthood (& if you already have) you will know the love i speak of. a lot of you share with me, the joy this little girl brings. you all have said such beautiful and kind words, i wanted to thank you for that. there is NOTHING in the world, like being a mother. your children bring out the best in you! love is such a powerful thing, and it goes beyond what i can explain. i love weekends. being able to spend quality time with my husband and daughter, and seeing Raeden interact with Randon - is such a blessing. this time, i hold dear to my heart. it was a beautiful saturday, just - being in the company of 2 of my favorite people in the world.

i hope you all have a wonderful rest of the weekend! i love you all!
ashley xo

Thursday, January 19, 2012

what?! better quality? naaaww..

hey guys! sorry i havent posted in a couple days; we had a friend in town and we were just showing him around our neck of the woods. (he is also from new york..long island to be exact!) i am SOOOO excited to FINALLY use my new camera! my husband bought me the canon t3i, and BOY do i absolutely LOVE it. i have been in the market for a dslr for quite some time now, and i have FINALLY settled on this - & opened it to USE for my videos!. i have invested a lot of my time to do YouTube and, i want to be able to give you the BEST of everything! my husband is so supportive with all that i do, and all that i STRIVE to do - he always comes up with ways to give me the world. literally, if the world had a barcode - i could bet id have it under my pillow tomorrow morning. i have had my share of 'boys' in the past, & if you read our story - HE was one of them! ha. but, God changes people and ultimately, their hearts. my husband is a man of gold, a gem.. my knight in shining armour. im sure i am not the only one who has a WONDERFUL man beside her, as im sure you all have one too!! however, i have one that couldnt be MORE perfect for me, than him. i am SOO blessed. i give the Lord all the credit, for he mends hearts, lives and souls! if it wasnt for my husband, i wouldnt be able to do half the things i do now. i am BLESSED beyond words. (sorry for all the mushyness - what can i say, im in love! :)

okay - soooo. this camera. i tried it out yesterday for the first time. i was going to grab the canon 60d mark II - or whichever that one is calledl; but that camera is significantly more than the t3i. nevertheless, i am satisfied. i was undecided for a bit, so it was in the box for a while - but i decided i wasnt going to return it, nor get another one - so TA DA! new camera. new video. BETTER lighted, quality videos! i love ittttt so much! definitely an investment, but there is so much more to it, than making videos for YouTube. i have been capturing precious moments of my daughter; pictures that are so beautiful - and will last me forever. pictures are not so easy to come by these days, (since digital cameras no longer require you to actually PRINT pictures out, its such a task now..) but, i am so excited to use this camera to its utmost potential!!

this year has already started out on a wonderful note. my family and i have so many plans this year, in hopes to truly see it all through! (you NEVER know what can *pop* up in the military) so - i can only pray. :) time is so precious, and life is a gift - blessed to have the life i do, and i wouldnt trade it for the WORLD!

blessings & love,

Saturday, January 7, 2012

from blind date, to marriage. this is our story.

the first picture of us, is when we got together again after 7 (& some change) years! the next picture is of him and i - sophomores in high school, going to different schools - trying to make a relationship, work.

this was taken from my tumblr, (which, when I first made it - i thought it was a "blog." turned out to be some random source of re"tumbling" things from others pages/your newsfeed etc. DEF not what I wanted that tumblr for. SO - this is just something I would like to share with you!

WARNING. some content here, you may think of as “TMI” - however, randon and i both know, what has happened in our past, has contributed to who we are today. we’ve accepted our past, and have moved on. we look back and count our blessings, for where we were, and where we are now. SO. if you cant appreciate our acceptance for all that we’ve been through, then this post is prooobably not for your viewing pleasure. however, if you can.. youll realize that what we’ve experienced, has only prepared us for where we are today, and where we are going tomorrow. its history. <3 —plus. this one is REEEEALLY long. dont say i didnt warn you. =)

erik; “randon, meet ashley. ashley, meet randon."

so randon and i were introduced to eachother by, erik lizar. his childhood friend, and my friend i met freshman year of high school. its a funny story, cause erik and i used to talk on the phone quite a bit back in the day - as he dated my best friend at the time. so, from us talking, he found out i loooved to sing. i loved music, and anything affilitated with music. erik then mentioned of his ‘best friend’ who also had a passion for music, although, in a directory sense. i remember his (erik) initial intentions were to have randon and i collaborate, for a song. erik gave him my number, and we were “supposed” to talk about collaborating, and getting together for the sake of music. (correct me if im wrong babe, these details are quite vague to me..sorry! so, if you remember — do share. hah!) ANYWAY. we talked for about a week straight. ALL THE TIME. and then finally, we planned a night to go to the suncoast and watch a movie — “SIGNS” with mel gibson had just come out, and THAT was the movie we planned on seeing. erik was coming with randon, and i was going to be dropped off by myself. (omg. dropped off! hahahaha.) but, i remember waiting at the ice cream place, right next to the front entrance & valet. in comes erik, walking — then shortly behind him, an asian kid with a ______ patch, and a cracked tooth. (i was aware of that, as he so kiiindly prepared me about the tooth on the phone, prior to us meeting in person. HOWEVER, the patch - i thought, WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?! bwahaha. love you babe.) cant remember if we hugged, shook hands?? anyway, we met. and then we were on our way to the movie. now, we ALL know randon is a very social person. it wasnt long til he was being his typical goofy self. staring me down in the movie, being ‘oh so’ slick with his arm gestures.. ha. all in fun though.. okay, so. first impression. i wasnt exactly attracted (physically) first hand - he appeared the ‘thuggish’, ‘i wear clothes 5X my size’ kind a boy - and i just wasnt diggin that. ALTHOUGH, his humor is what captivated me, and i knew (from talking with him on the phone) generally, his personality, which caused me to ‘answer’ my phone when it rang. HA. lets face it. blind dates dont always end like they do in fairy tales, but. we were young. sophomores. i mean, HOW serious could we possibly get, right?

well. at the end of the night, we hugged — and we went our seperate ways. we talked of course, on the phone, and reviewed what had happened that night. i remember him telling me, how he looked up into the sky - and saw my eyes, that resembled the stars.. (or something to that effect.) from that night, i knew there was something about him i liked. well, suncoast then became our spot. we met for movies. went bowling. met his friends, he met mine. but, it was one night we had met upstairs in the bowling alley, that we had our first kiss. (he says it was by the arcade, but I say it was between the lanes. how lovely right?! ha.) this night, i met his friend nick, and nicks “soon to be” girlfriend, ceci - i think? anyway. by the end of the night, nick and ceci - & randon and i, were officially.. boyfriend and girlfriend. aww. we called it a night, and from that night.. the boys made a song. “the only thing”.. haaa. i loved it. OBVIOUSLY, my favorite part was when randon rapped about yours truly, MEEEE. :)

”.. girl the only thing that you gotta do, when you know i know that im feeling you, is work your hips, & drop your dips, lick your lips - ever since i been the type of guy, you and i, me and you.. be the only two. we can ride like that or with the crew, just goes to show that im feelin’ you, oh girl..” -chorus to "only thing" by randon and nick.

loved it. i still love that song. itll NEVER be played out. heh. we started dating september 30th. it was difficult to try and maintain a young love with both of us attending different schools. he went to cheyenne, and i - palo verde. he came, though, to football games. came to the house a couple times.. (which we were NOT allowed to go into ANY rooms.. haha.) we attempted a couple dances, but they just never seemed to work out. i went to cheyenne for a play - he was the light tech, or something to that effect. with his absense the whole time, and me getting kicked out of the booth.. im sure you can guess how much i enjoyed myself.. hah. boooring.

so yeah. we were young, and ‘supposedly’ in love. did anything to see the other person. even lied, as much as i dont want to admit. i remember i suprised him at work one day (when he worked at the centennial taco bell) while he was sweeping/or mopping the floor. i remember he was so happy to see me. i brought him like, a 7 page letter, while i drove through the drive thru. haha. those days were awesome.. remember babe- “THANK GOODNESS, for London!” =)

THEN came our “caught by 5-0 incident”. okay. so ive neverrr snuck out before. i was a wonderful, always true, very disciplined - well behaved girl. til this little asian came along.. (hahaha! nahh..) and one night, it was a plan that randon and erik were going to swing by my house, pick me up.. and we were going to ”do” something.. HA! “DO” something. what the heck can kids our age “DO” at like 2/3/4AM, right? (i dont exactly remember what time..) but hey, sounded appealing at the time. anywho. here comes randon, rollin up in a yellow jeep. picked me up.. and we were driving down durango, and out of no where, a cop pulls up behinds us.. and sure enough, his sirens go off. “DANG IT!!” - “everyone stay calm..” (riiight, stay calm my butt. im bout to get DISOWNED here! ugh, boys.) we were pulled over for randon driving without headlights. BLEHH. who does that — hahaha, jk baby. i love you. and for going over 45MPH. with this story, to make it short — im going to sum it up and say.. i was grounded for life. called someone i REEEALLY shouldnt of, to help. thinking i could somehow get out of it — (DONT KNOW WHAAAAT I WAS THINKING!) shoot. the blow and repercussion would of been A LOT better had i just called my PARENTS in the first place. you would of thought i made a mental “note to self” - but. nope. but, randons parents arrived.. furious, of course. eriks mom came, quite upset too.. and jan-rey’s parents took him to breakfast. hmm. something wrong with that picture. lucky punk. well, we got ticketed - had to go to court (which, THANK GOD the case got dismissed..) obviously. i was placed on house arrest for life. and my social life/boyfriend life - was cut down to ZIP. randon and i talked as much as we could thru emails, and written letters.. you know, the kine that required a POSTAGE stamp. i got pictures to suffice the ‘boyfriend’ withdrawls.. aww, how nice. still, wasnt the same.

that lasted for a while. when i babysat, that was the time i was able to talk to him on the phone. and one night, i remember we were talking about some SEEERIOUS stuff. it lead to him telling me, how he knew that on our senior prom night, he was going to ask me to marry him. my attitude: awww how cuuuute. but, right. we’re like. 14. who could possibly love someone that much, and hold off for that ONE person that long?? especially for him being a boy (lets face it, girls are a LOT more emotionally connected, than boys) - impossible. i was in love with him. i knew how strongly i felt about him. regardless of the fact of being nothing but, a young 14 year old. we had gone through a lot. witnessed a lot. experienced a lot. i knew i loved him.. and i KNEW i wanted to be with him, forever. i knew then, and i DEFINITELY know now.

well. time went on. we dated for quite some time. i remember getting the butterflies in my stomach whenever i saw ” MOLLUS, SHAWN ” on the caller I.D. i remember going over to franks house, and FIIINALLY recording our infamous and ‘the reason why we met in the first place’ collaboration; “THUG LOVE”..

”..i want you to, need me. want me. give me. everything that you would a girl, who could understand.. how to treat a man, and baby i want you to please me, tell me everything that you would do, to get through to me, and be my everything..” -MY part for "Thug Love" By Randon (ATTA BOIS) & Ashley. (Oh, we were cool.)

randon and i were on and off for quite some time. we were young. did mento things. he was apparently, seeing someone else - the same time he was seeing me… so, that caused me to back off, and shy away BIIIG time. & i did. and now, comes the time when he came over to palo verde. (we dont know exactly WHERE these events fall into place, soo - bear with me, as im just going to touch on all what happened.)
i remember one day at church - (i was involved with the praise and worship team), and that specific sunday, i noticed jazz and justin werent there. sure enough, the pastor goes on stage, and mentions that jazz and justin needed prayer, as their cousin ‘raylene espino’ had died in a car accident that occured the night before. to MY shock, i knew that name sounded familiar.. after all, randons sister was the ONLY one i ever knew with that name. i ran to the bathroom, and tried calling randon numerous times. when after my, third attempt or so, i knew it was randons sister, they were asking for prayers for. (hence him not answering his phone..) — i then got ahold of erik, & was at a complete lost for emotion.. and words. jazz and justin ended up coming to church a little later, and as soon as i saw jazz.. i hugged her as hard as i could. i had told her that despite randon being the “ex”.. we were still friends, and i was in total disbelief..
i remember attending raylenes funeral, (not completely knowing if i should or not..) but, randon - at one point and time, was my world.. and even though we were no longer dating, i went to show and give him all the support he needed. i remember paying my blessings and respects to raylene and eldon, & seeing how torn eli (raylenes fiance) was..

raylene and eli had eloped. i didnt exactly know raylene on a personal level, however, i remember her talking or singing in the backround - whenever i was on the phone with randon. i had met randon at a mall once, and raylene was there (with her friends, i think) walking around with us.. giving randon and i some time to ‘hang’ since she was his ride. =) she had a laugh that could make anyones day - she was such a beautiful soul. so positive, and so bright. her and eli were in love. looking back, and hearing stories of their love - and seeing pictures of them.. i can can only imagine how much they loved eachother. raylene was pregnant with eldon - 7 or 8 months, when they had gone and gotten married. they had their wedding reception at raylene/randons moms house, and the night of, they were involved in a head on collision with a car that was escaping a hit and run, prior to hitting raylene’s vehicle. was a tragic accident, given the situation of a beautiful young lady, who recently married the love of her life — who were awaiting the arrival of their precious little boy. -may you FOREVER rest in paradise beautiful Raylene, and handsome little Eldon.

listening to raylene/randons father singing at her funeral, brought me to tears. and of course, trying to hold up while randon talked - no such luck. i couldnt believe, that at the blink of an eye - someones life, can be taken away. instantly. raylenes family had a gathering at their house, to celebrate raylenes life - and to have their closest friends and family together, in this hard time. randon speaks and tells me, of a dance we shared that night. i dont really remember. but. its nice to know, that randon and i were still friends, after all that had happened.
i remember randon telling me on several occassions, that he was transferring to palo verde. (my high school) he always talked about the disadvantages we have always faced going to different high schools. we always fantasized about how AWESOME it would be if we went to the SAME school. at this time, randon had commited to me. in ways i have always dreamed of. giving me his all, wanting my all in return; & he showed me how ready he was - by transferring to MY high school. i want to say this was prior to raylene, but he says it was after. im not exactly sure. but, randon was always one of those people who ‘talked a good talk’ haha. being young and all, i didnt quiiite take him seriously. UNTIL, one day - he had called me, and told me to go to the office.. SURE ENOUGH, there he was. enrolling for school. MY school. WHATT?? again. randon and i had been going through a lot.. and a little while, before him coming to palo, i had started dating someone else. (yes, we were technically “Still” together).. it was a mistake, and i understand that. it was completely wrong of me to do so, but. i had already been emotionally detatched from randon, for a while now. &, i wasnt good at breaking up with someone. anyway. through a text, i knew he knew - i was seeing someone else. looking back, my heart breaks. after him coming over to palo verde.. enrolling in ALL the classes I had/with the SAME teachers I had, (even CHOIR, for heavens sake.) he was commiting himself, completely - and whole heartedly to me. something i wanted sooooo much from him — EARLY on.. HOWEVER, it was too late for me. for someone to just UP and leave their comfort zone, and relocate themselves into the premesis of someone who meant the world to them, and relying solely on them, with nothing else — is a HUUUGE step. however, being hurt from the past - i had moved on to someone else. mind you, randon was STILL enrolled in my choir class - (which was tough on him, especially since, the guy i was dating was ALSO in choir, as well.) soo. as if seeing the one you loved, with someone else wasnt enough — you can imagine seeing the one you love, with the other person THEY love, every day in your class. eek. but, nonetheless - randon, thankfully, was quite the gentleman.. (even making all "buddy buddy" with my "at the time" boyfriend, & even though, i know he just wanted to completely do some damage. cant fool me boy!.) he eventually ended up dating a girl in choir too.. THAT was awkward. haha. but anyway. randon ended up leaving and returning back to cheyenne. and from there, we graduated from our OWN school.

for a whiiiile. there was definitely hurt in randons heart, and sure — believe it or not, there was pain in my heart as well. regardless of where we were in our lives, we always came across eachother - on several occassions, i went and visited randon at his moms house. (randon was very open with me. he never hid his feelings. always made me feel, that no matter what the situation was between us.. he’d always be there for me..) and he was. there was a LOT of “almost’s”.. if you know what i mean. we would hang out, and then we thought we juuust might get back together. nope. he picked me up from kohls, when i was doing a fund raiser or something for choir — i even supposedly asked for 5 bucks for food.. alllmost got together again!? nope. not quite. almost doesnt count i guess huh?

a LOOOOOOONG while passed. myspace was generally a convenient place, i could always find randon. i remember while i was dating that “guy” (i wont mention names..) randon had written a blog about me (a very, VERY sweet one.) openly, wrote a blog about me. AND then, my boyfriend at the time, saw that blog — and ended up writing randon, asking if he still had “those” types of feelings for me.. and to MY suprise, randon told him the truth - he did. i, later, ended up seeing this email sent between these two dudes.. and, i just didnt know how or what to feel. here, i had a boy i was completely head over heels for, but because of other stuffsss.. i ended up falling for someone else.. while, at the same time — i have the other boy, reciprocating the feelings i once gave him.CONFUSING?? tellll me about it. blehh. its hurting my head.

anyways. randon and i were friends on myspace. not friends on myspace. were friends on myspace. and friends, but then he made a new one. didnt accept me. FINALLY accepted me, and i was deleted yet again. hahaha. phew. all within the process, i had been dating this new man - out of high school now.. and with my check ups on randon to see what he was up to.. lead to me knowing of his venturing and commitment to the u.s navy. i was sooo proud to of known this! after all, he fits in with the military extremely well. i spoke to him a couple times while he was in chicago - talked about who he was dating.. what he was up to.. yadda yadda. we always kept in touch, someway or another. even, if there were 6 mos - a year gaps in between. i ended up finding out, randon had gotten married. MARRIED! holy smokes. out of NOWHERE.. but. i remember, i was happy for him. i truly was. i sent him a message, congratulating him.. and sending my blessings and best wishes to them both. it was funny, cause i was engaged myself. it seemed like we were at a place in our lives - where we were BOTH happy. looking back. we always tried to connect.. on MANY occassions. i know we had it in our hearts and mind, that we wanted to be together.. but, the timing was neverrrrr right. so eventually, with all our mishaps.. we turned our attention, our efforts to other people. we got comfortable and sought out the possibility of loving, and being with someone else. and we did. so randon got married. and i was engaged to be married.. anddd. i was deleted from his myspace! HOW RUDE!!! haha. nah. but when that happened, i knew.. this whole, “there may still be a chance” hope.. was OFFICIALLY gone. YEAH, i know! that sucked. haha.

…stay tuned for part II. =) gosh, sooooo long. i should write a book.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Welcome; The Beginning..

Aloha everyone, and welcome to my official BLOG!

I cannot believe I have actually started a blog; but some of you have asked for me to make one - & I thought it would be a great way to share my thoughts with you, outside of YouTube and every other social networking site. Not to mention, featuring anything and everything surrounding makeup, beauty, fashion, life, motherhood and what it is like, being a military spouse! (from my side of the fence, that is) I am no expert on these things, but if there is any way I can reach out to you - and share my feelings on anything, or help you in ANY way, I would LOVE to do just that.

2012 JUST began. (Okay, okay. More like 6 days ago it just began..) But nevertheless, I thought it would be the perfect time to start a blog, and just go through a year of blogging, youtubing and everything else - WITH YOU. It would also be a wonderful tool for me to look back on these days, especially with my daughter growing like a weed, I tend to get emotional knowing how fast time is able to escape from us! (Having said all this, I am slowly convincing myself that this blog thing, is naturally - a good idea. :) So, TODAY, I filmed my FIRST "Q&A" video. I got a lot of great feedback, even though I secretly thought to myself that I blabbed a little longer than I probably should have. :) Let me know your thoughts. Share with me your goals, passions, desires.. your dreams. I would LOVE to hear them, and get to know YOU!

I am still learning how to be better at filming, editing, vlogging, lighting, positioning things, talking without sounding silly, blogging, etc etc. So please bare with me as this is ALL a learning process! I have several things lined up for this year, and I am SOOOOOO extremely excited for things to transpire! I welcome you to apart of my life, that is and will always be cherished. This is just the beginning, the opportunities are endless - & I hope to take you everywhere with me! I have an AMAZING support system. Without GOD, my husband, my daughter & my family - this wouldnt be possible. I am excited for the unknown! With GOD, all things are possible right?!

When you have the time, and you haven't checked out my YouTube page yet, PLEASE swing by my channel:

*Must. Learn. To. Post. Videos. To. Blog* - got it guys, I am on it. :)

All my love and more,
Ashley xo